tsktsk, i feel lost over the past week.. wad have i been doing? i havent been sticking to my "exercise plans" lol.. i havent even bought my weights! been sick the past few days with flu and a bad throat, put off my runs because of that.. caught up with cheez and yx just now, damn, they're doing well in bmt, cheez lost 9kg! yx can do 12 pull ups now.. hahaha i've decided, i must do 200 push ups and 200 sit ups a day before i sleep! thinking of how to plan my time for running though, maybe 3X endurance run + 1X interval training a week? we'll see about it man..

when will i be able to get my bike licence? =(

haha.. actually alot of things happened this week, and i dunno where to begin.. i've been really lazy to blog about things recently even though i've had the time to do so.. haha i'm lazy to upload the pics as well.. damn, lazy lazy.. haha maybe in the next few posts?

i just wanna blog cuz i had this super sweet dream last night.. was it because i ate too many chocolates? no idea man but the dream was really sweet.. some hiccups on some parts of it, e.g i suddenly ended up back in camp? hahaha..

ok that's all folks.. more to come! ahha

haha, yea.. i failed my test and there goes my wish of being a military aviator.. stringent selection, i would say.. and i hate to admit it but i dont have what it takes! lol.. i didn't fly as well as my previous flight, and my stalling was a bit cock-ed up.. tester thought he could try and pass me based on circuits, guess wad? i dunno what was going on in my head but my circuits were atrocious.. haha.. but it's ok..

this failure is not the end of the world, and i won't behave as though it is. it is a postive experience that only less than 20% of the people would get the chance to experience, it is something i will always look back and remember.. =)

lol, make the out of course count 2.. buddy didn't make it.. some of us are finally beginning to realise how intense the course is, with 2 failures and 2 "sup checks" which means supervisor check in short.. tsktsk.. everybody's trying to catch up with the learning curve, and some just can't cope.. i personally feel it's up to my neck too..

good luck to myself, having test around 1030am local time tmr.. hahaha.. keeping my fingers crossed..

jonathan failed sup check, felix failed 2nd sortie in a row and will be having sup check tmr, herald and i both failed our sorties today..

haha i shan't be greedy, and i thank god cuz i indeed had more brain capacity today when i flew.. and i shown some improvement from the previous flight.. but, it's still not enough to secure a pass.. tsktsk.. we are expected to progress, i'm only catching up now.. can i do a miracle by coming back from the dead? hahahaha.. chances are slim, but still worth a try! =P

it's difficult to explain why, but i dont feel as shitty as i felt on friday.. i wont deny the fact that i sighed a lot after my debrief, about 30 over times in 2 hours =X but as the saying goes, "when the night is the darkest, the dawn is nearing" and another really cool one that i saw in a keychain.. "yesterday's failure might be today's success." inspiring eh?

tsk, if only life is as simple as providing the right answers.. i can easily come up with so many things to say to motivate myself, but none of it is coming from within.. after talking to waylon last night, i did feel more motivated.. but it's not a question of motivation now, it's about confidence.. i didn't lose any motivation, i still want to be a pilot, but chances are slim.. had my 2nd marginal pass and it's only the 5th practical.. i was told during debrief that if i dont improve, he'll have to fail me tmr.. maybe god will grant me with more brain power tmr?

damn, i feel it was a really big improvement from the previous flight, however, there are some mistakes i really shouldn't be making.. things like neglecting secondary effects, not maintaining my visual reference point.. like wtf man? it's so simple when we talk about it.. but when you're up there, it seems as though the helmet is "the helmet of stupidity" the brain reacts 20% slower!

anyway, last friday, jonathan failed sortie 4.. today, felix failed sortie 5.. will i make the list for sortie 6? how will i make it to sortie 8's test? =(

i want to eat bbq stingray, sambal kangkong, sambal sotong, laksa, chilli/pepper crab.. the list goes on.... *slurps*

I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT..

let's hope that makes a difference..

jason - says:
what happened?
jason - says:
dont give up leh
jason - says:
b
jason - says:
nb
yw says:
i brainfuck
jason - says:
you go so far alr
yw says:
i damn sad lah preparing to pack my luggage liao this coming week test
yw says:
should be fail one leh
jason - says:
dont think negative man!
jason - says:
it's only the start!
jason - says:
you remember how we got fucked until sibei jia lat during field camp?
jason - says:
also nv give up
jason - says:
everything is possible!
jason - says:
just put in effort and give your best
jason - says:
you have my support man
jason - says:
and i believe the whole of section 2!
jason - says:
now havent test yet. dont say pack bag or fail
jason - says:
it'll just make you feel worse
yw says:
walao
yw says:
i see u talk lidat i feel very comforted leh
yw says:
like can feel warmth!
jason - says:
haha
jason - says:
brothers leh
jason - says:
i still remember you telling me that being able to be in the sky is sibei shiok de feeling
jason - says:
so now, you shouldnt be telling me you dont have what it takes. this is not the yong wei i know man
jason - says:
jia you alright
jason - says:
just know that you have a brother like me giving you support!
yw says:
=)
yw says:
thank bro, really appreciate
yw says:
haix
yw says:
how i wish i was in singapore now



and how i wished i was in singapore right now... haha.. i'm quite low on my morale actually.. i treated today's book out as though it was my last book out already.. and all my excess items have already been packed up, leaving only the needed items lying around.. i know that i will have to pick myself up in order to grow stronger from here, but if i were to describe how i feel, it would be as though i'm 6 ft underground.. i'm not all emotional, just that i've lost a huge chunk of confidence..

if you're wondering why i've deleted my posts, it's because parts of it are not supposed to be up in the first place, guys will know why! we can only blog in relation to our feelings about somethings, but be extra careful not to mention names and events, which essential means.. it's better to just delete the posts.. hahaha..

haha, actually this post was supposed to be yesterday's but someone came to borrow comp to use so i saved it and when i looked at it today, i wasn't so irritated about the events that happened yesterday.. apparently some guy had a bad day and decided to take it out on us, fellow coursemates.. but nevermind, it has already passed and no hard feelings amongst pple, not for me at least..

tsk, the pace is just too fast, so much to absorb, am i a brick or a sponge? i've got this feeling i'm coming home soon! haha.. =X

when felix told me how discouraged he was feeling, i can comfort him and motivate him with words like "others can give up on u but u cannot give up on urself!" yet, it's easier said than done.. sometimes i feel like giving up too, but i dont want to give up on my dreams so easily..

i've learnt a load of things since the first day i've got here, and i quote my instructor saying: "we were not made to fly, cuz we're not birds. u have to work hard and put in a lot of effort if u want to be a pilot. if u can't taxy, no matter how well u can control ur aircraft in the sky, u can't be a pilot because u can't take off. no matter how well u can fly, if u can't land, u can't be a pilot. everything has to come into place nicely and the only way to do that is to work hard for it."

don't u get the "aiseh.." feeling? yet, i know i cant fucking taxy the aircraft properly.. lol i need to stop cutting the corners! one of these days, it's gonna land me on the grass instead of the road. haha!